I'm such a dork! :)
Not ten minutes after I posted my entry on here, one of the girls in my hall came by and was like "I hear you're a major fan of LOST, want to watch some?" and so we got pizza and watched two episodes in a row from season four. Gah, and I can just hear myself in the back of my mind saying I would excuse anything...read that AN-Y-THING no matter how immoral if I wanted to bad enough. I give myself permission to indulge in things I shouldn't. And I give my friends carte blanche too. I'm very afraid of coming off as unlikeable and judgmental, to the point where it is even difficult for me to speak up and offer my opinions lest they be perceived as offensive.
For example, two years ago I was involved with my second (and so far last) ever boyfriend. Unlike the first, he was a strong Christian, or so it seemed. He went to church weekly. He went to Bible studies and had a support community at his college (MSU) to keep him in line. During a couple years when we had been friends, he had often mentioned his faith and his conviction to remain abstinent until marriage. Then, we started going out. I wouldn't say he pressured me because he didn't, but he did make it clear that he'd go as far as I allowed, and if I had said I'd abandon my morals, he would have done, I'm 99% convinced. I should have asked him sometime what was up. But, unfortunately, I was just too embarrassed. He was my first experience with that, some guy close to me making me feel uncomfortable and a bit pressured even though he did nothing overt. There were polite, discreet ways of letting him know I was concerned about his behavior, such as asking how he reconciled his faith with it, but I never said anything. I just broke up with him. We tried to become friends again but it was too late. Plus, he immediately launched into what he considered a "sophisticated" lifestyle of bedding various women, one lke twelve years older than him! By then, I just decided I didn't want to be around him anymore because he creeped me out, but that's what I mean. I should stand up and voice my opinion, nicely, and correct what I consider wrongdoing or hypocritical actions. But, I don't. Of course it doesn't matter with tv because that's tv. I just need to keep in mind that things happening on tv doesn't normalize or make okay. That's the point, I guess.
Anyway, I really do love Lost and some of my other "fandoms" but I have to keep in mind not to be fascinated or lulled to the point where I decide to give up my values for the worlds.
- silly girl...